Golf Blog

Things To Do in Golf Before I Die List

A tee time at Augusta National. A pairing with Tiger Woods. A hole in one. These are the things that make up the everyday golfer’s “bucket list.” Or in plain English, they are things that golfers dream of accomplishing before they die.

However, I am not your everyday golfer and I have a strong dislike for cliches. I actually cringed when typing out the words “bucket list.” That is why this post is named “Things To Do in Golf Before I Die List.” Don’t get me wrong, I would certainly love to make a hole in one on Augusta National while playing golf with Tiger Woods, but that’s a lame ass cliche. You won’t find any of that nonsense on my list below.

Here is my official “Things To Do in Golf Before I Die List.”

  • Drive a golf ball through a phone book. I have been trying this for years. It may never happen.

  • Get struck by a golf ball at a PGA Tour event. I would love to take a header from Tony Finau or get plunked in the thigh by Gary Woodland. Caveat: No permanent physical damage.

  • Witness a double eagle. A hole in one is nice but the double eagle is the real deal.

  • Be a golf fan in the background of a historic golf moment. I want to be the guy who looks like he $hit his pants after watching Tiger Woods hole his putt to win the 2024 Masters and his 19th major. Although, I would have settled to be the dude in this sombrero.

  • Do a cannonball into a body of water on the golf course. I refuse to do this for any reason other than making a hole in one. The key here is that the cannon ball is the list item, not the hole in one.

  • Make par on all 18 holes in one round. I have made it through 16 holes twice.

  • Hole out from the fairway to win a tournament. It doesn’t have to be the US Open. I would settle for the local Wednesday night Shamble Mixer. The riot in the fairway would be legendary.

  • Cash in on my Rod Pampling golf bet. At 750:1 odds, I stand to turn my $20 into a cool $15k when Rod Pampling holes the winning putt on Sunday at the RBC Heritage.

  • Witness this exact same thing. Seriously change nothing.

  • Get randomly paired up with Fred Couples. I am golfing solo and I run into a two-some, instead of letting me play through, they ask me to join. One of those golfers is Fred Couples.

  • Watch any golfer accidentally fall into the water after playing a golf shot. The key here is that this must be fully accidental. Full submersion is preferred.

  • Hit a 600 yard drive. I am playing a 400 yard par 4. I hit my normal 270 ball but it finds the cart path and rolls 330 additional yards. I have to play 200 yards back towards the green.


That’s it for the “Before I Die” list. For the “After I Die” list I only have one request. That request is for my ashes to be spread on a golf course. There should be a bench or a moniker of some sort that will remind people that “Koenig was here.”

“That old man Koenig sure was a real asshole. But man, he loved to whack that little ball.” That is what they will say.