“It’s an honor and a privilege to be the first golfer on the RGV Tour, it is the mother of all golf parties.”

“We have golfed several times together, but we have never shared a bed.”

“Man this RGV Tour Beef jerky is probably the best jerky the earth has ever seen.”

“I could spend all day taking pictures of this place. Chambers Bay is stunning.”

“Are you silly? Of course I am gonna send it.”

“I have a baby coming so the Ireland and Scotland golf trips have been postponed until further notice.”

“I am much better at golf when I remember to breathe.”

“I came here to drink, not to grind.”

“How did that not go in?”

“I am especially good at short, wide open par 5’s with temporary greens and auto 2 putts.”

“Stay away from the deer pee, it smells awful.”

“I think that one hit the cart path and bounced over the crapper.”

“I hope this one comes right back and smacks you guys in the nuts.”

“Pasatiempo is overrated.”

“Chunked it.”

“I felt lame being the only rider.”

“Oh man, this one is going in.”

“I call that one the Bandon Ball.”

“My life is complete.”

“This is exponentially better than an Econoline.”

“Knock it inside of me... Ummm. That’s what she said.”

“Thats it. I am staging a comeback on top of your comeback.”

“As long as she isn’t pushin, I’ll be pulling it with the RGV.”

“My philosophy to golf is simple. Swing as hard as you possibly can.”

“After I crapped my pants, I just handed him the keys and took off.”

“Hey look! I found my 5 year old’s missing 6 iron.”

“That one got my heart going for a second.”

“I don’t recommend doing 50 push-ups and then trying to hit a driver.”

“Juice is temporary, the sauce is forever.”

“I am here for my medicine.”

“I caught that one on the heel.”

“So is it 30 or 35 pushups this time?”

“Did I make 8 or 9 birdies on that front side?”

“Those weather guys said it was gonna be sunny.”

“When was the last time I peed my pants? Probably yesterday.”

“I just use this old Wilson putter, it makes more putts than those Scotty Cameron ones.”

“Lord, let it rain money on the tables tonight!”

“Floppin’ is my biz”

“I am gonna birdie these last 2 holes and then retire from the RGV Tour.”

“I am getting one of these RGV Tour head covers, so when you are famous it will be worth $5 million dollars.”

“Hit a baby.”

“The RGV Rooftop range is the best rooftop range that I have ever been on.”

“I felt like Rudy.”

“My wife made me get rid of all my cargo pants.”

“Hadley will do more in passing than some people are able to accomplish in a lifetime.”

“I learned quite a bit about photography and life.”

“After you holed out for par on 9, I thought you were gonna make par on all 18.”